[ Blue Man Sings The Whites ]

NFC Conference Championship - Green Bay Packers (#2) @ Arizona Cardinals (#1)

Come on then, let's hear the worst of it. I don't suppose Brett Favre's splintered his pancreas in the couple of weeks since he led the league in touchdown passes, has he?

"Have a guess."

Bugger.

"What he is suffering from is a shortage of people to get on the end of his passes. Robert Ferguson is likely out with a strained Achilles tendon - how many receiving yards did he have in the wildcard game last season, again?"

Mumblemumble.

"Again with the mumblemumble. Two hundred or so, was it?"

Bollocks, it was only 184!

"Aha!"

Bugger.

"On top of the Ferguson injury, their second-round draft pick Tracy Burns is suffering with a torn pec meaning that the likely 1-2-3 should comprise of the excellent Donald Driver, the mostly-excellent Javon Walker and the much-too-slow rookie Amos Burton. Pro Bowl tight end Bubba Franks remains a threat in the passing game, but the engine that really makes this offence go Ahman Green - still strong, still quick, still fumble-prone, more than 1900 yards rushing and receiving this year."

So stop Green and we stop the offence, yes?

"Wow. It's a shame no-one else came up with that idea, or there's no way the Packers would have gained more yards than any other team in the league."

There's really no need to be sarky.

"Oh, I rather think there is. There are injury problems along the offensive line as well. Both starters on the left side are listed as probable, and will almost certainly play, if not at full speed. They've also lost right guard Mike Wahle with a broken back..."

Ouchy.

"As you say. So all in all, the interior of their line isn't as dominating as it has been in recent seasons. The defensive line rushes the passer well, but might be vulnerable to the power-run, while the linebacking corps is pretty much the reverse. In particular, second-year LOLB Robert Sapp doesn't have enough pace to cover anyone who's not actually made of stone."

So that's everyone but Wayne Chrebet, then?

"Oh, you bitch."

I mock because I love.

"It'll be tough to exploit the linebackers' weakness in coverage, however, because the safeties are so good. The entire secondary is a strength, truth be told, although there may be a matchup advantage between Bryant Westbrook and Shaun McDonald - a big, physical corner and a nippy little receiver who's quick in and out of cuts and has great straight-line speed."

So...

"So stop Ahman Green at all costs on defence, run between the tackles and use three-wide early and often on offence. Do I have to do all your thinking for you?"

If you wouldn't mind.

"Sigh."

-

It's clear that the Packers aren't an Eagles-esque one-trick-pony who're likely to fold up their stall and steal away into the night as soon as they're fourteen points down. Which is just as well, because if you've ever seen a pony trying to fold up a stall, you'll know it isn't a pretty sight.

Luckily, there's no chance whatsoever of us having to watch a medium-sized pony struggling with its hoof-eye coordination and lack of fine manipulation skills, because Green Bay march down the field with depressing ease, Ahman Green slicing through our defence from five yards out to give his team the lead. Not to worry - everything seems to be working for us on offence, too, and we face only our second third down of the drive at the Packer 20. Green Bay drop into a cover-2, Johnno gets off the jam at the line of scrimmage and drifts into the open field more-or-less completely uncovered, Brian Griese puts some touch on the ball, arcing it over Al Harris in the short zone...

Sorry, did I say "over" Al Harris? I meant "straight to".

One eighty-yard return later, and we're fourteen points down before the game's even really gotten underway.

We simply have to get points on this next drive or we'll be in a world of hurt, and luckily Marcel is on a mission. His power-running starts to open up passing lanes, and as the first quarter expires we have a first down at the Green Bay 24, from where Johnno takes us inside the 10 on a quick slant, Marcel crashes through the line to be stopped a foot from the goal-line, and James Hodgins comes in to get the last few inches.

GB 14 - 7 ARI. Back in business.

The defence comes out determined to get our offensive unit back on the field quickly, and indeed quickly has the Packers facing a 3rd and 5 at their own 30. The handoff goes to Ahman Green, who's the lucky beneficiary of our defence's sudden decision to perform a tribute to the 2003 Kansas City Chiefs. Green shrugs off Ronald McKinnon, dodges a second attempted tackle and outruns all the rest, 70 yards. Well, mission accomplished, anyway. That really didn't take long...

We simply have to get points on this next drive or we'll be in a world of hurt, and luckily Marcel is on a mission. Two runs gain 15 yards, one more sees him breaking containment with a convoy around him to the tune of 15 more, first down at halfway.

Panicking slightly, Green Bay start to stack the line, dictating that we go to the air. On consecutive downs Brian Griese first misses Anquan Boldin, then overthrows Shaun McDonald open deep, putting us in a nervy Official Down And Distance Of The Arizona Cardinals situation. If in doubt - go back to your best receiver, and Anq grabs a yard of separation on a hook-and-go, fifteen yards, first down.

Phew.

That play put us in a position two downs later... for Brian bloody Griese to throw his second pick of the half, somehow failing to notice the enormous Na'il Diggs standing smack in the middle of his passing lane. First down Green Bay at their own 27, and we've got the beginnings of a problem, here.

The difference between last season and this so far, though, has been that when we've really, really needed to find a stop our defence has more often than not stepped up to the plate. Wendell "Mastermind" Bryant gets into the backfield along with the snap to knock Ahman Green down before he can get going, Jed Bowden defences a pass to Javon Walker, and though for a second it looks like Bubba Franks has the catch to move the chains, Tay Cody comes screaming in and clobbers him so hard the ball's jarred loose. Phew. A punt of legendary crappiness gives us the ball back at our own 42.

With the short field, we simply can't miss this opportunity. We get back into kicking range as Anq drags across the field from left to right, leaving Marcel Shipp to flare into the gap he's just left, crashing through tackles for 21 yards, but soon we're facing a 4th and inches at the Packer 13. We line up heavy, they line up heavy, we crash Marcel Shipp over the right tackle, they run screaming. Nine yards, first and goal, and from there we're just one Shipp run from being back within a touchdown. GB 21-14 ARI

Only a minute and a half left to the end of the second quarter, and we all know what it means when the opposing offence gets the ball with less than two minutes to play don't we, children? Oh... actually, no it seems we don't. Three incompletions, punt, first down Cardinals at our own 27, 45 seconds left.

Alright, so on the one hand - this is going to be a shootout, every score counts. On the other - Brian freaking Griese. One the one hand - all three timeouts left. On the other - Brian freaking Griese. One the one hand - among the best 1-2-3 of receivers in the league. On the other - Brian freaking Griese.

Ah, well. No prizes for second place, etcetera. We'll go for one big gain, and if it doesn't work we run the ball twice and run out the clock. If something like an interception happens, well, I'll just have to have him killed.

Good to have a plan.

Three-wide, then, and away we go. Macca and Johnno go deep down the left side, Macca gets a couple of steps on his corner, and Brian "Mister Reliable" Griese steps up, draws back his arm... and massively underthrows the ball, dropping it right into a pair of Packer defenders. Smelling his second pick - and his second touchdown - of the day, Al Harris leaps, stretches for the ball...

...and, in a display of receiving skill that would make Koren Robinson proud, has it bounce off his fingers right into the hands of tight end Freddie Jones, who's trailing five yards behind the play.

That'll be a 48 yard gain, then. First down.

"You jammy, jammy fecker."

Just like it was drawn up in the playbook, my friend. 30 seconds, three timeouts, ball at the Green Bay 30, we try a bit of reverse psychology with the play-action ("it's so obvious they're going to pass, they MUST be running! Aaaaah!") and Griese finally does something right, hitting Macca on a deep crossing pattern for 27 yards, out of bounds inside the 3. Marcel, who's had 22 carries for 99 yards in the first half, gets his second touchdown and a wild two quarters somehow ends with nothing between the teams - GB 21-21 ARI

-

After the pyrotechnics of the first half, there was always a chance the teams would come out a bit flat for the second, and for a while it looks as if that's just what has happened - our first drive stalls at the Green Bay 35, with Whosamaflip's long figgie dropping just short. Green Bay can't capitalise on the short field, however - screens to Ahman Green on successive plays are blown up by our starting corners, and after Javon Walker is encouraged not to hang on to a 3rd down reception by Jed Bowden, we've the ball back at our own 33.

On the second first down of the drive, a sack leaves us in a 2nd and 23 situation. The sensible thing to do is to go for 10-12 yards on 2nd down and put ourselves into striking range for a 3rd down conversion. We, however, are the Arizona Cardinals, and are therefore morally obliged to jump in where angels fear to tread. Bryant Johnson gets single-covered outside, Brian Griese underthrows his target again, but Johnno manages to come back for the ball and get exactly 23 yards. Heh. Three plays later, Anquan Boldin gets up over Mike McKenzie on a fade pattern and we've the lead for the first time in the game.

We've finally started  to get a little pressure on Brett Favre in the second half, and so start mixing in a little more zone coverage, in the hope of managing to force a turno... oh, there we go. The pocket collapses up the middle, Calvin Pace and Shaun Rogers busting free. Favre tries to find Donald Driver on the out, but doesn't quite get it over Shawn Springs in the under zone.

Ahman Green runs him down 50 yards later, but that just delays the inevitable for one play - Freddie Jones finding a gap in the zone, settling down and taking an 8-yard TD catch. We've managed 28 unanswered points, and the third quarter ends with the score GB 21-35 ARI

Well, it's the fourth quarter, which means that it's about time for Brett Favre to vanish into a phone booth, take off his glasses and come out with his underpants over his slacks. 5 completions from 6 attempts gain 63 yards, including an enormously annoying 17-yard gain to Donald Driver on 4th and 8 that gives the Packers first down at our 15. First down sees Favre rattled by the rush and throwing the ball into the ground, we contain an outside sweep on 2nd, third down is a lofted pass toward Javon Walker in the back corner of the endzone that Dexter Jackson gets up and knocks down, and fourth down is a bullet fired to Walker at the front of the endzone for a touchdown. Of course it bloody is. 5:15 left in the game, and Green Bay are back within 7.

We've been able to run all game, though, so so long as we don't do anything... why do I even bother? Sack on first down, Anquan Boldin open deep on second, Brian Griese puts up roughly his seven hundredth underthrow of the game and Mike McKenzie is up for the interception. First down at our 28, two runs, Javon Walker on the deep hook, game tied. AAAAAAAARRRRG! 3:14 to play.

Green Bay are stacking up against the run now, daring us to throw. Can't strictly say as I blame them, given that Brian bloody Griese has been at least as dangerous to us as to them. Two first downs would probably see us safe, but predictably we can't manage one. Scotty Player chooses a good time to put in a great punt, though, out of bounds inside the Green Bay 10, two minutes left.

The difference between last season and this so far, though, has been that when we've really, really needed to find a stop our defence has... eh? What? Donald Driver makes the catch on third and long, getting the Packers out to their 30. Well, alright, I suppose we didn't really, really need a stop then, but now we really, really, REALLY need one, so as our defence... oh, God. Bubba Franks goes deep, Favre puts it right on the money, Raynoch Thompson misses the tackle and the tight end is gone, to our 30, to our 20... Al Wilson is in hot pursuit, and he'll catch Franks before the goal-line... inside the 15, to the 10... and Wilson pulls up, knowing that if he makes the tackle Green Bay can just run the clock three times and kick a chipshot field goal to win the game as time runs out. The crowd don't like it, but giving up the touchdown leaving time to try and get a tying score has to be the right play. 59 seconds left in the game, 2 timeouts left in our locker, GB 42-35 ARI

It comes down to this. Griese's had a bit of a shocker, but now it's all on his shoulders. One minute, eighty yards, the chance for the franchise's first Super Bowl appearance, or home for another year.

Frankly, my hopes aren't high.

We set up in the formation that puts all our best pass-catchers on the field at once - Anquan Boldin flanking to the right, Bryant Johnson and Shaun McDonald split left, with Freddie Jones at tight end and Brian Westbrook as the single back. The Packers answer in Cover-2, hoping to restrict us to short completions, which we take advantage on as Macca and Johnno cross, causing enough confusion to allow a quick first down to Macca outside. Griese hurries them to the line, reads the Cover-2 again and audibles, sending both Anq and Freddie Jones deep on the right side. As soon as both are past the cornerbacks' under zone, there's only one safety to cover both receivers. Again, Griese's pass is underthrown, but Boldin's too far open for it to matter - 30 yard gain, first down at the Green Bay 40. Timeout, 40 seconds left on the clock.

Getting sweaty now.

We stick with the singleback, three-wide set, and coming to the line spot that Green Bay have set up five defenders close to the line on the weak side of the field...

...which of course, once you take the four down linemen into account, leaves just two defensive backs to cover two receivers on the strong side. Freddie Jones comes on a skinny post that drags the safety away, leaving Anquan Boldin running deep with Mike McKenzie. Brian Griese puts up the bomb, the corner doesn't even realise the pass is coming until Anquan goes airborne...

...and comes down with the ball! 37 yards, first down at the Green Bay two yard line!

From there Marcel Shipp is practically automatic, and following the kickoff Green Bay run out the last twelve seconds of the half to send what's been a game of crazily see-sawing momentum to overtime. GB 42-42 ARI

-

Whoever wins the toss is going to have a hu... oh, of course they have. Bloody hell.

We get a good start to the extra period, however, as Calvin Pace comes ripping off the edge for our first sack of the afternoon. Favre sets up a 3rd and short with only Ahman Green's second catch of the afternoon, but we throw a curveball with one of our rare big-blitzes, middle linebacker Ronald McKinnon leading the jailbreak to the quarterback. The punt's decent, fair caught at our 34, and it's back on the offence's shoulders.

Liking the success we had with the six-man blitz, Green Bay bring one of their own. They don't have a receiver like Johnno on hand to take advantage of single-coverage outside, though - he slants hard behind the blitzers, first down at halfway. Back to that trusty three-wide set, and we get the matchup I've been waiting for all afternoon - big, lumbering linebacker Robert Sapp on tiny, quicksilver wideout Shaun McDonald. A simple short-out, Macca sees daylight and breaks for it, eventually getting tagged by a safety only after a 29-yard pickup. Two rushes give us 6 yards, a third-down pass falls incomplete and it's Doodat Gramatica on for a 38-yard figgie attempt to send us to the Big Dance.

The snap's on target. The hold's clean. The kick's good.

HOOOO-AAAAAAHHH!

Marcel Shipp is the player of the game - 35 carries, 127 yards and three touchdowns, while Anquan Boldin and Bryant Johnson have been enormous in the passing game - 7 catches for 127 yards and 9 for 122 respectively. On the other side, Ahman Green managed 170 yards in just 17 attempts.

Ever get the feeling you got away with one?

In the AFC, a fourth-quarter TD from Justin Fargas wasn't enough as the Raiders managed just 201 yards of total offence, eventually losing 16-10 and setting up what commentators are already describing as the All-Time Crappy Franchise Bowl, as the AFC representatives the Cincinnati Bengals advance to the championship game.

Bengals vs. Birdies. There's a certain poetry to that, don't you think?

[ ^ back to top ]
[ < back to page 18 ]
[ on to page 20 > ]

(c) daniel roe 2004